Q: Why is it called Paralysis Park?
A: The name tested well.

Q: Is the water heated?
A: The sun heats the water at no cost to you.

Q: Do you have lifeguards?
A: We have a lifeguard. A second position is posted.

Q: Can I bring outside food?
A: No. We sell food.

Q: I lost something at the park. Who do I ask?
A: Ask for Atlas. Describe the item before he shows you the box.

Q: Do you have a giant duck?
A: No. Our entrance is a gate, which opens and closes. That is what a gate is for.

Q: Is the Owner's real name Benjamin?
A: No. Benjamin is a completely different former employee of a completely different park, and whatever you have read about floor tiles has nothing to do with anyone here. The mixup follows Atlas around and he has stopped correcting it in person, but this page is in writing.

Q: What are the park's hours?
A: The park opens when Atlas arrives and closes at dusk, or earlier if attendance justifies it.

Q: Is Paralysis Park hiring?
A: Yes, and unlike some parks we do not make our staff famous against their will. Your shift here will not be broadcast to anyone.

Paralysis Park is located across town from the beach. Take the main road away from the water and continue until the property with the purple slide. Street parking is not our responsibility.

If you can see a giant duck, you have gone to the wrong park. Turn around. We will still be here.