Our Sponsors - Paralysis Park

PARALYSIS PARK

THE AREA'S PREMIER THREE STAR WATER DESTINATION

★★★

WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL PARALYSIS PARK WEB SITE ★ SERVING THIS SIDE OF TOWN SINCE 2025 ★ OFFICIALLY RATED THREE (3) STARS ★ VOTE IN THE PARALYZER POLL ★ THE GUESTBOOK HAS REOPENED ★ FREE PARKING AFTER 6PM

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Our Sponsors

Paralysis Park is proud to be supported by local business. Technically regional business. Read on.

CASEMART (PRINCIPAL SPONSOR)

CASEMART purchased advertising on this web site in August of 2024, which was before this web site existed, and honestly before the park existed. That is the kind of forward thinking that made CaseMart what it is today. The contract was forty dollars, cash, paid in full, and it runs through 2034. We honor contracts.

The facts, as provided by the advertiser: CaseMart opened August 8, 2024, in a remote part of Los Angeles County. Groceries. Fair prices based on real world prices. One shelf, so you are never lost in there. No employees, so nobody hovers. The parking lot alone is worth the trip, and at over sixty miles from the city, it is a trip.

CaseMart also closed August 8, 2024. Same day. In that one day of operation it did $242.93 in total revenue, and this park respects a hustle. We have been unable to reach anyone there since, which is why the banners are staying up. A contract is a contract, and frankly the ads tie the site together.

Photo provided by the advertiser. We believe the car is Tom's.
A CUSTOMER SPEAKS

"I drove sixty miles out of Los Angeles for trip supplies. The store was half the size of a 7-Eleven and had one shelf. As I left, the owner was yelling at a man for paying with cash instead of a credit card. I still think about it. Later that year something very similar happened to me at a burger place in Colorado, and then at a grocery store in Arkansas, and I have started to wonder if it is me."

Tom Wallis, Traveler

Archival photos of the shelf and the checkout, from the advertiser's one day of operations.

SPONSORS WE ARE PURSUING

LOKI FOOD AND GROCERIES. Five locations, a hundred and twenty employees, prices six cents below market, and they run Frosty's Igloo, the winter water park that outdraws a certain lagoon without ever raising its voice. That is the level this park intends to operate at. They have not returned our calls, which we respect, because a serious operation screens its calls. The offer stands.

YOUR AD HERE

Advertising space on this web site is available. Current rates:

Banner (top of site)	$5 per month, or best offer
Small square (sidebar)	$2 per month
A mention at the ticket window	Free with any purchase

Inquire at the window. Cash accepted here. We are not like some stores.