The park across town is served by several web sites, all run by unpaid volunteers with a great deal of free time. Paralysis Park has one web site, and the Owner paid for it. We normally would not respond to rumors, but our attorney says a page like this is standard now, so here it is. Read it and draw your own conclusions.

RUMOR: The Owner was fired from his previous job.
THE TRUTH: The separation was mutual and the file is sealed. The full and accurate account is on The Story So Far, which we wrote, which is how you know it is accurate.

RUMOR: The Owner sold drugs to customers at his old ticket window instead of selling tickets.
THE TRUTH: The Owner sold tickets. Customers sometimes asked about other products, and the Owner believes in customer service. Tickets remained available at that window at all times. No further comment on the advice of our attorney, who got loud about this one.

RUMOR: After the firing, somebody hid in the changing rooms with a computer and crashed the other park's broadcast, repeatedly.
THE TRUTH: Streams crash. Networks are complicated. The Owner was nowhere near any changing room, and the changing room in question gets terrible reception anyway, which he would have no way of knowing.

RUMOR: The Owner still lives in a changing room at the other park.
THE TRUTH: The Owner has an apartment. People have seen the apartment. The cot that was reportedly found in that changing room could have belonged to anyone, and describing it as "clearly slept in" is speculation.

RUMOR: Paralysis Park pays people to write bad reviews of other parks.
THE TRUTH: Our guests hold strong opinions and share them on their own time. Some of those guests have also received gifts from the park, because we are generous. The timing has been characterized unfairly.

RUMOR: Paralysis Park is affiliated with organized crime.
THE TRUTH: Paralysis Park welcomes investment from local businessmen who believe in this side of town. Some of them wear matching suits. Dressing well is not a crime, and neither is anything else they have been formally charged with.

RUMOR: An employee of another park was held here against his will.
THE TRUTH: Nobody has ever been detained at Paralysis Park longer than legally advisable. The break room door sticks. It is a maintenance matter and it is on the list.

RUMOR: The other park earned its third star.
THE TRUTH: They are calling themselves an ESTABLISHMENT now. Anyone can be an establishment. We have had three stars since 2025, quietly, without a website about it. Without seven websites about it.